Author: Sheri Pardini

A few weeks ago I was watching a documentary about United Flight 1549 landing on the Hudson River in New York. I was surprised that it hit me emotionally, considering I knew the ending, but as I was watching I began to wonder, just how would I react to such an emergency? You never really know until you’re actually faced with it. We’d all like to think we’d rise to the occasion, and not be the chucklehead that reaches for their carry-on luggage, or puts their life jacket on upside down. When I saw the picture of that guy I thought, “Yep, that would be me.” I pay attention, but I wish they would put those things closer to hand. It’s under the seat! My feet barely reach the floor. You truly think my arms are going to be able to search under the seat for that thing?! By the time I find it, I’ll be in a full out panic, so yes, it will probably be on upside down! Don’t judge me! By following along with the flight attendant, repeating the same emergency instructions we hear on every flight, I at least know where it’s at, and what to do in theory! The rest of you are in full out denial that anything might happen. I can tell by the fact that you continue your conversations, or reading your book, or whatever you can to pretend that landing on the Hudson is not a possibility in your world. Landing on the Hudson isn’t a possibility in my world either, but landing on the Atlantic, or the Gulf could very well be.

I got to thinking, just what would I do? What would I take with me? My phone immediately came to mind. Since I stow that in my bag underneath the seat, not in the seat back pocket, I’d imagine in a crash that bag might no longer be where I left it. And if it is, what good is a waterlogged phone going to do me? Considering women’s clothing is short on pockets, just where would I be putting it? In my hand, where my only option would be to use it as a paddle? I don’t think Apple designed the iPhone for that.

And now here is another problem. Without our phones we’d have to find one and make a call, but when was the last time you actually dialed a number? The fact that I used the word “dial” tells you exactly how long it’s been. We don’t know anyone’s number! We program numbers into our phone, scroll to their name when we need them, and click on it. Magic! No need to memorize anything, until you don’t have your precious phone. Hopefully you have at least your spouse, one of your kids, a sibling, mom, dad, or anyone memorized, or you are flat out of luck. Call 911. They like that sort of thing….not!  Give them the name of the person you are looking for. They have their ways of finding people, and then they’ll get back to you for abusing the system.

The final riddle…how to get your loved ones to answer a call from a number they don’t recognize?! That’s right! You never answer a call from a number you don’t know. We’ve had that drilled into us by the media, our family, friends, strangers even. It’s probably a scammer looking for a backdoor into your private information. So, we just don’t do it. We tell ourselves, if it’s important they will leave a message, but how long does it take for us to check? I could be standing on the shore of the Gulf coast somewhere, dripping wet, life jacket upside down around my neck, stranger’s phone in hand, and my husband, kids, or sisters check the incoming number, swear about another scam caller, and ignore!

Yes, my friends, we have painted ourselves into a fine corner! Now what to do about it? I don’t know! Why do I always have to do the heavy lifting? I’m certainly going to do some serious thinking about it. You don’t have to be in anything so dramatic as a plane crash for this scenario to fit your situation. If you come up with a solution, sing out! I know, my kids are rolling their eyes, “You worry about everything Mom.” Well, somebody has to! You’re welcome.

 

Over the past seven weeks my husband, Kim, has been sweet enough to take on grocery shopping, limiting my exposure to Covid-19. He goes suited up for war against an invisible foe, with gloves and mask securely in place. I give him a very specific list, and then when he gets inside the store some caveman survival gene takes over. He comes home with more bags than required for the number of things he was sent to get. He means well, but our checkbook can’t take much more of his well intentioned chivalry.

It’s time I take over. Though I really dislike grocery shopping, after seven weeks of isolation, a trip to the store is rather exciting, but shopping now takes preparation. No longer is it enough to write up a list and jump in the car. Not in these times of global pandemic. No, you need a strategy. I gather my mask, latex gloves, and shopping list, but that is not sufficient! Think it through! I place my debit card in the outside pocket of my purse, so I don’t have to touch my wallet or any other contents with contaminated gloves at checkout. My sunglasses, which I usually hang around my neck, go inside my purse. I can’t risk them being exposed and then walk outside and place them over my eyes! That would be irresponsible. Borderline stupid! Having mentally walked through the entire process of shopping from start to finish, covering every base, I am now ready!

I am both nervous and excited! My heart is pounding, and I feel a bit like I’m going into battle! Mask up, gloves on. Let’s do this! Once inside I settle down. It’s just shopping, and about 80% of the people inside are dressed exactly as I am. It makes me feel good knowing that people are trying their best. I check my list, and begin going about my business when I catch a glimpse of big stickers on the floor. Some are red, some green, and some blue. What is this? They’re directional markers! Uh oh! How many aisles have I just gone down the wrong way?

We’re not accustomed to shopping while looking down. We look up at signs indicating the aisle that has what we’re looking for, or straight ahead at products, but now I have to look down to make sure I’m not venturing into an aisle that says, “Do Not Enter” in red, but instead follow the green signs that read, “Walk this way”. Blue signs are reserved for the main aisles alerting people to stay six feet apart.

I had chosen a big box store for my excursion today. Why???? These stores already require a lot of walking. Add a number of one-way “roads” to the mix, and I’m sure I logged a couple of extra miles going down an aisle in which I needed nothing, in order to go up the one I desired in the proper direction. I was making a series of loops and circles just to get where I was going. Once I accidentally passed what I was looking for, but instead of going around the proverbial “block” again, I looked behind me and just backed up! I didn’t want to turn around, for fear of being chastised for going the wrong way. I figured as long as my cart was pointed in the right direction, I was still legal.

Of course, there were a number of people absently going the wrong way down an aisle. Nobody said anything to them, but you could see the judgment behind the masks. We assumed these were the same people that while driving turn right from the left lane, or stop in the middle of an intersection. They are probably not malicious, or absent minded violators, but simply haven’t adapted to these new guidelines, and the complicated stunt work of walking while looking up, straight ahead, and down at the floor. Nevertheless, they are getting the stink eye! Pretty hypocritical coming from me, considering I ambled down at least three aisles the wrong direction before I even saw the new rules!

I pay, leave the store through the “correct” door, and upon arriving at my car realize I had failed to think through the best way to load my groceries. Do I take my gloves off first, or put the groceries in the back and then remove my gloves? Hmmm? I didn’t prep for this part before I left the house! I thought I had been so clever. Weighing the options quickly, I choose to remove my gloves, open the car with clean hands, place the bags inside, and then use hand sanitizer. It’s tricky these days. You need a risk assessment, graphs, and a spreadsheet for a simple trip to the grocery store! Did I say “simple”?

It’s hard to say how long these new one-way shopping aisles will be with us, but I for one hope not too long. There is way too much thinking involved. I’m bound to drop a ball or two in that juggling act. However, with all the added walking and the mental gymnastics, shopping now qualifies as a “workout” routine, right?

It has come to my attention that I am not doing this “stay at home” order correctly. Everyone is cleaning closets, organizing bookcases, sorting photographs, etc. I have done absolutely nothing! I’m pretty sure I’m managing to do even less than I did before, and I’ve always worked from home!

I have an online job, scoring standardized educational test taken by students around the country. For obvious reasons, that didn’t happen this year. No test taking equals no test scoring. No problem…well except the paycheck part. I have my new book I’m working on, and there is always my blog. The perfect freeing of time to spend more of it writing. You would think that, wouldn’t you?

Instead I find myself getting to the end of the day having played more games of Bingo, Candy Crush, and Angry Birds than I ever did before this virus demanded my days be spent at the house, and staying at home is what I always did! In fact, this “stay at home” order was tailor made for me! Perhaps I feel like everyone is getting this mandated time off, or at least a change in the “office” scenery. For me, everything stayed pretty much the same. I want a change of pace too! But, why can’t my change of pace involve all those productive things other people are finding to do? Well, it can, but in order to make that happen I need to figure out what I want to do, and then make a list. It’s clear I can not just wing this “stay at home” order.

My list is rather long, and my husband thinks it looks a bit ambitious, until I told him that it is for the week, not the day. I’m three days in and have only crossed off three things, but hey, that’s one thing a day that has disqualified me from couch potato status.

Not being able to spend time with my family, especially the grandkids, or going to the beach is the worst of this confinement. Catching up on movies is a perk, though some of us may need to use that stimulus check to pay the cable bill. I do find time to ride my bike, and sit in the sun for a bit. You’d think I could manage to squeeze in a few seconds to empty the ice trays, but that is probably better entrusted to the list.

We’ve all wished many times for the merry-go-round of life to stop, or at least slow down for a few minutes, just so we can catch our breath. We finally got our wish. Maybe this wasn’t exactly what we meant, but make the most of it, however you choose, because this too shall end. When it does we’ll be happy to go about our lives normally again, but before long we’ll be wishing for that little slower pace. If you have a few more game apps on your iPad, watched more movies than you normally would, played more games with the family, sorted those books, or cleaned those closets….well, that’s all time well spent. It’s the silver lining, even in these difficult times.

 

 

I’m a note taker, but not always an efficient one. I was searching through my desk the other day for some numbers I needed. I knew I put them there, because they were important. I would need to re-visit them later. Well, today was later, and what I found in the drawer were several pieces of paper with cryptic notes scrawled on them, but not one single reference to what, or to whom they pertained.

I found one note that had dates, amounts, and reference numbers, but that was it. Nothing more. What did they refer to? There was even one number circled. Well, that must be important, but why?

The note I was actually looking for was written in the corner of a paper that had two other separate notes on it. One was the result of some research I was doing, one was a combination of letters and numbers that I finally recognized as my daughter’s license plate number, and then there were six numbers, one percentage and an arrow between two of the numbers. Wonder what that means? At first I passed over the paper, thinking it wasn’t what I was looking for, but further search of my desk revealed only two more scribbled notes, and neither of them were relevant. Don’t ask me how I could tell. Just a sixth-sense I suppose! I went back and took a closer look at the only two possible suspects, and found some clues that triggered an elusive black hole memory. Now those numbers began to spin and rearrange themselves to make sense. Yes, this was what I was looking for!

It turns out that more than one of my desk drawers holds mystery notes. They must be important, because I didn’t throw them away. They have become like that other item we all keep, because we need it, but don’t know why….the lone key in the junk drawer, or the dresser drawer, or in the jewelry box, because it is really important, but we’re clueless about what it unlocks.

You can’t throw this stuff out! It’s important! It must be, because we kept it. You know if you do, as soon as Waste Management arrives out front you will suddenly remember why you had it, and now there is nothing you can do to correct your error in judgement. So there it sits, mocking you for your forgetfulness.

We are victims of our own carelessness. Don’t be so smug as to think it’s because I’m “older” that I can’t remember. No matter your age, I dare you to look in that drawer and tell me what that one key, lying there all alone, is for. From here forward I vow to write a few more words of reference on my scribblings, and place single keys in a baggie with a note identifying them.

One day, when I’m feeling very brave, or seeking the thrill of being reckless, I will gather all these random notes, search the drawers for lonely keys, and quickly throw them in the trash, then rush them to the curb before I regain my sense of rationale, or is that terror, and retrieve them all. Who am I’m kidding, that’s crazy!

The media loves nothing better than a good pandemic. Makes for a big news day, and the more they can fan the flames of panic, they can stretch that into a week, maybe two, and if they get lucky… months. They say they don’t, but they do. Listen to their choice of words. The last few days I’ve been hearing catch phrases like “shelter in place”, and the “new normal”. This isn’t the new normal! It’s not normal at all, and to call it the new normal would infer that it’s here to stay. It’s not here to stay!!! This is a moment in time. As for “shelter in place”, that’s what you hear when it’s too late to escape in front of a hurricane, or make it to a basement in the face of a tornado! We aren’t sheltering in place from an approaching storm. We are prudently keeping a distance from our neighbors if we suspect we might be sick. We’re giving those who provide our food and supplies a chance to catch up. We’re doing our best not to spread this virus. I live in hurricane country. I know what it means to “shelter in place” and this isn’t it! That phrase only serves to conjure up visions of “War of the Worlds”, “The Zombie Apocalypse”, and creates the panic shopping we are seeing now. Besides, if people are “sheltering in place”, that place must be WalMart, or Target!

It all started with toilet paper, not food. A phenomenon that baffles me. When the CDC announced that it was a good plan to be prepared for 30 “days”, people took that to mean 30 “months” of toilet paper!  I realize that the Coronavirus is serious, but this is a respiratory illness, and though it can have a gastrointestinal component I don’t think you really need eight cases of toilet paper to deal with it! I walked down the paper product aisle at the market last week and saw that all the toilet paper was gone! All of it, except four packages of Greenwise. I have never looked, but either Greenwise is very expensive, or people don’t like the idea of recycled toilet paper. I actually felt a little sorry for those four lonely packages. I need not to have worried though, because a man quickly stepped in and swept all four of them up, cradling them in his arms as if he were holding precious quadruplets! Astounding! Now the store was “officially” out, and the hoarding continues! Perhaps the CDC should have been more specific. If you have to go out and buy a freezer, or move your car to the driveway, so you can warehouse supplies in your garage…you bought too much!

I had to go to the store today. It’s hard not to buy more than you need with the vultures circling overhead! Empty shelves leave Americans in a panic, and though people now seem to be buying soup by the case, canned goods, and frozen vegetables, nobody is desperate enough to reach for that bag of frozen okra. As I saw four boxes of my hair color in stock, I had to refrain from buying more than one, reminding myself that others need to cover that grey too. It’s not all about me!

My kids will tell you I was a hand sanitizer nazi long before anyone knew about COVID-19. They know not to ask me for a stick of gum, because I don’t chew gum, but if they need hand sanitizer they don’t start with, “Mom, do you “have” hand sanitizer?” They simple ask, “Can I borrow your hand sanitizer?” Consequently the shortage of this staple has been a problem for me, and I’m trying not to hyperventilate. I’m pretty sure I’ll make it through with soap and water. After all, I wasn’t born in this century. It hasn’t always been around, but I didn’t say I was going to like it!

Be good neighbors. Stop stockpiling! If you do, there will be plenty for everyone. Be careful around the elderly. They are truly the ones at risk for serious consequences. This is not armageddon, unless we make it to be. This is NOT the new normal. This is a moment in time, so snap out of it!!

Oh look! Oreos are buy one get one free! I should stock up!! What?

 

Several weeks ago we received a phone call from our son-in-law.  He wanted to go camping, and he wanted us to go with him. Once upon a time we would have been the ones making that request, but older joints, some artificial, have made sleeping on the ground less than inviting, unless you consider getting off the ground an exciting game of chance. And then there’s that having to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night thing, which necessitates getting off the ground more than once, and venturing outside, if you consider a flimsy piece of nylon standing between me and nature, being inside. But, being the kind of in-laws, parents, and grandparents that we are, and having once had camping in our blood, we said “yes”, with a few caveats.

First we needed a tent. Oh, we have one, but a two person backpacking tent is at least a decade removed from my vocabulary. Why do we still have that thing?! So, Dusty found a great deal on a used 6 person, 2 room tent. He asked, “Will you go in half?” We now proudly own half a tent! Then we needed a camp stove, which we were able to borrow from our son. Now, we were ready, more or less.

Is it beginning to sound like none of us are prepared to go camping? What’s funny is we all use to camp quite a lot. Now it was like we have never been. Kim and I were avid backpackers back in the day. Our biggest accomplishment was the 200 mile John Muir trail, and that was only one of many backcountry adventures.  Dusty not only loved to camp, but is a hunter, so camping out isn’t new to him either. We all just suddenly found ourselves without the proper tools. Mariah and Dusty don’t even have sleeping bags! Kim and I at least have those! It’s not like we don’t enjoy it anymore, or that Kim and I feel too old to go tent camping, but interests change over time, and I’ll admit to being a bit more attached to indoor plumbing. One thing was for sure, we were taking our inflatable mattress! If it didn’t fit into the tent, we wouldn’t be staying the night. My artificial knees don’t like me kneeling on them. I can get off the ground, but it’s now a team sport.

“So, where are we going?” “The Everglades.” The Everglades!? Where panthers prowl, and pythons play, and alligators lie in wait? Don’t forget the bears. Yes, there are bears in the Everglades! Bears and panthers are one thing. I’ve camped in their neighborhoods before out west, but alligators and pythons are predators that cause hesitation, and it wasn’t long before I was having nightmares about snakes!

Technically we were going to the small “e” everglades ecosystem, not the big “E” national park. We were heading to “Big Cypress National Preserve”. A very close neighbor to  Everglades National Park. Same wildlife, same ecological environment, fewer government restrictions, though still managed by the National Park Service.

A large pond, with crystal clear water, was the centerpiece of our campground. It didn’t take long for us to spy a decent sized alligator, and when he spied us he turned to swim back toward shore, engaging in a stare down with us. This is the result of people doing something they should never do, and that’s feed them! Take away any natural fear they “might” have of humans, allow them to associate us with food, and you’ve just made a dangerous reptile all the more so. We backed away and doubled our situational awareness around camp. Knowing he was there, possibly with friends, made that nighttime trek to the bathroom all the more thrilling!

We stopped at the Visitor Center and bought our two year old granddaughter binoculars, because the two things you want to find in the swamp are gators and birds. They were pink, and matched her boots, because wherever you are, you need to be stylish. Aurora loves looking for gators. We all do, because there is just something about them. You ask her what they say, and she’ll say, “chomp, chomp”. Translation, “Let’s find one, then pick me up!” The world is a safer place in Daddy’s arms.

We read a sign at the Visitor Center. The tracking collar on Florida Panther #150 had stopped transmitting. If we were to happen upon him, would we please let them know where so they could fix it. Let me see, they lost one of their panthers and wanted us to what? Call out, “Here kitty, kitty, let me take a look at that radio collar”!! There was a large rat that was scampering in the brush by our campsite. Mariah and I exchanged glances and joked, “It’s 150!” Wouldn’t it have been funny if it was? Probably not!

We enjoyed a day of searching for alligators, finding several, and one that was so large it looked like a fallen tree! If I hadn’t seen his eyes and his feet I wouldn’t have believed it! Florida birds are second to none! The beautiful plumage of Great Egrets against the background of pristine water, Bald Cypress, and Spanish moss was stunning. They capture your attention even if you aren’t a birdwatcher. But, as we discovered, while we’re watching them, there are usually eyes of one or more alligators watching us! We hiked a short trail searching for liguss tree snails, which are endangered, and like their name, live in the trees. We found several. Some are very colorful, and their shells quite beautiful. It’s a veritable safari in our own backyard.

The real joy of camping comes long after the sun goes down, when the fire provides a tranquil peace at the end of the day. You look up and the stars just go on forever. We saw the Milky Way, the Seven Sisters, Orion, the Big Dipper, and Draco. Venus shown brightly, and the moon looked like it was smiling.  They feel so close, like you can touch them, and suddenly you feel so very small. It’s beautiful. What a great idea, Dusty, to go camping in the everglades!

I love my daughter-in-law. She can be a lot of fun, has interest and insight into deep and thoughtful topics, gets excited about life, laughs easily, and most importantly, loves my son. When she invited Kim and I to go along with her and our son, Ben, next weekend to look at furniture for their new home I was thrilled. I won’t be offering any suggestions though. We share similar tastes in many things, but color isn’t one of them.

Realtors are fussy about color. Interior decorators can be too. They insist on neutrals in paint, carpet, furniture, and say to “accent” with color. Well, that sounds boring! I love color!   

Many years ago we built a house in Colorado and painted it a nice shade of green. It blended perfectly with the surrounding forest. The inside walls were white, not egg shell, just white, and the carpet was sea-foam green! It was gorgeous and complimented the green patina copper accents on the whitewashed cupboards, and terra cotta tile. When we went to sell it, the realtors hated that carpet and the white walls. Too much color in one, not enough in the other. That was long ago and the people who bought it from us have now sold it again, but not before they ripped out the carpet and replaced it with wood laminate, and painted the outside of the house a pleasant “neutral” gray.

The neighbors who live behind us have a yellow, orange, and green house. It may be a bit bright for most people’s tastes, but they have enough foliage planted around it to give it an attractive Key West flair that fits right into our Florida neighborhood.

I have an eclectic collection of furniture in my house. The kitchen table chairs are padded with fabric depicting green leaves and pink flamingos. There’s a living room chair with a tropical foliage and parrot print, and the couches are adorned with palm trees. A large picture of a giant sea turtle hangs on one wall, and a print of bamboo on another. You’ll find the walls are painted white, blue, sea green, and yellow. Not all in one room, of course, and I’m thinking peach might fit in nicely somewhere.

My clothes have gotten more colorful over the years too, with bright fuchsias, blues, greens, oranges, and purples, replacing of my old “go to” black and white. After all, my opinions on things aren’t neutral, why should my clothes be neutral either?

Bright colors make me happy all over. They dial up my mood, and in general make me feel like it’s springtime or summer, no matter what month of the year displays on the calendar. Of course, living in Florida helps with that too.

But, not everyone is me. Some people are attracted to more subdued colors, dark or light, but in the neutral zone. Perhaps they find those colors comfortable and peaceful, and that’s okay, because we’re all different. We need to be different. Too much of the same thing is tedious. So, I’ll support Rebecca in her quest for a neutral colored couch, but she shouldn’t be surprised if a cobalt blue pillow, with a bright yellow, red, and green parrot magically appears on it!

 

We practically worship hair! We spend hundreds of dollars on it, from cutting, styling, shampooing, conditioning, straightening, curling, combing, brushing, coloring, highlighting; you name it we do it, and everyone seems to notice. “Did you get your hair cut?” “I love your hair that way!” “That hair color is gorgeous on you!” .

Don’t for a moment think that men are immune from the siren call of rich, thick, glorious hair. They spend money, just like women, on thickeners, shampoo and conditioners, mousses, gels, and color to keep the gray looking the right balance between distinguished and old. When theirs begins to thin they have three choices. Go bold and shave it off, go really short, or embrace the dreaded comb-over. Don’t choose that third one! I would just like to say to every man out there, if you’re losing your hair, own it! You don’t have to shave what little you have off, but cut it short. It’s a much more attractive look, however I do recognize that hair is very personal, so that’s just my “strong” suggestion.

My hair for most my life has been very fine, and very straight. I couldn’t do anything with it. I would ride my bike to school and see other girls riding their bikes as well, only their hair was gently swaying back and forth as one unit. Mine was blowing all over in different directions, like I was riding along in my own personal tornado! We always want what we don’t have. My daughter asked me for a straightener one year for Christmas for her beautiful, thick, wavy hair. I said, “What in the world for?” Why would anyone want to straighten their hair! She was blessed. I was cursed! Didn’t she understand that? But, straight was in. The hormones of bearing children does weird things to your hair. Don’t ask me why. For me, my hair got wavy. Well, it was about time!!! But, now of course waves and curls were out. I was fashionable before my prime, and once again, currently out of step!

I now shed like a Persian cat! My hair can be found just about anywhere! I shed so much its amazing I have hair on my head at all, and my family notices my runaway tresses since those blonde strands are like a neon announcement on the back of any dark colored blouse I may be wearing. My grandson found a long hair on his leg while laying on the couch. He pulled it off, and holding it like some sort of vile vermin, announced to his mom, “MeeMaw’s”, my grandson’s name for me. She looked at it, and saw that it was clearly red, and said, “No, that one is mine. Sorry.” His response, “Nope, MeeMaw’s!” Obviously my shedding has a reputation, but my hair is not red. Hers is! Besides, I wasn’t even there!!!

Why is it when hair is on your head it is gorgeous? We run our fingers through it, we caress it, but when it ends up on the floor, in the sink, cloaking the bathtub drain, in the swimming pool, or worse yet in your food it suddenly becomes “Gross!” Okay, I get the food, but once I found a clump of hair floating around a public swimming pool like a chocolate jellyfish. That had to go! I’m sure when it was attached to some woman’s head earlier in the day it looked lovely. Now it was way too gross to come into contact with, and had to be removed like a dead spider, preferably without touching it!

As for myself, one minute my hair, according to my husband, is gorgeous, but at any given moment, one strand at a time, it too becomes gross! Don’t judge me, none of you are immune!

 

It’s been awhile since I’ve written. My mom passed away in late September, and then my mother-in-law passed away suddenly in mid-December. It’s been a bit tough to write anything without my heavy heart weeping all over every word, but 2019 has ended and not only a new year has begun, but a new decade! There are possibilities on the horizon. Not so fast!!!

On New Year’s Eve, with the dawn of all things new just waiting in the wings, I broke a tooth! Seriously?! It was as if 2019 just couldn’t let me go without taking one more swing at me. The good news, if there ever is good news with a broken tooth, it was a wisdom tooth, so I don’t need it. I have three more, so still plenty of wisdom stored up to share with anyone who cares to listen. (That’s directed at my kids.)  The bad news….I’m not a real fan of the dentist, so first thing in 2020 I get to visit one of my least favorite people. Not that she isn’t awesome, just that I don’t like her hands in my mouth. You’d think by the 21st century we’d have some Star Trek like dental scanner that could take care of this problem with my mouth closed.

Now it is time for me to put fingers to keyboard and begin writing a new blog. Slow down there eager beaver! An update is required in order for me to get WordPress to talk to my website via Jetpack! Okay, this shouldn’t be too hard. Hahaha! What am I, new? This is technology and I was born in the 20th century. Specifically the mid-20th century. We’re not even talking the same language. Oh, it sounds like English, but is it really?

I start by updating my version of WordPress. Oh, but now I have to update Jetpack, which should be easy, and would be easy if I knew what they were talking about. I know what a Jetpack is. It’s that cool thing you strap on your back like Buck Rogers and fly all over the sky with, skipping traffic, and commute times. I don’t have one of those. I do apparently have one that allows WordPress to talk with my website. Outside of that, I really don’t know what it does. Not only can I not see it, I can’t fly it. Lame! I had plenty of other things to do, so back burner it went.

After putting away all the Christmas decorations, and finding myself without any other pressing matters, I decided to sit down once again to figure out this necessary update. I finally caved to reading the directions, or at least skimming them, clicked the appropriate keys and amazingly, I’m back in the game.

So there 2020, I forced myself to be adult enough to call the dentist, and mature enough to read directions. Take that! The losses of 2019 are still heavy and will be for awhile, but looking forward there are all sorts of possibilities. It’s not just a new year, it’s a new decade! Get out there, and get after it!

I don’t remember ever seeing these in Colorado, and you can’t really see them here in Florida either, but they are here. These little monsters are so tiny you don’t notice them, until it’s way too late! I swear they are nothing but mouth, with a full set of teeth. They only feel like they have teeth, instead they are equipped with an alien like probe, seeking out blood, and from the looks of my legs, they prefer my blood to any other! These beasts are known as no-see-ums!!! Yes, that’s an official name! Like I said they are tiny. When they fly you hardly notice them. They appear to be innocent, and barely register on our radar. When they land, they look like a tiny speck of dirt, and if it didn’t hurt so bad you might never notice what had bitten you. Even when you’re looking to find the culprit you often don’t see it. I’d rather take my chances with a mosquito!!!

At least with a mosquito you have a fighting chance. They don’t attack from the shadows in silence. They make their presence known with their obnoxious whine-like buzzing. We anxiously search the air around us, hoping to swat them in mid-flight before they have a chance to insert their hypodermic needle into us. When mosquitos do land, you can usually feel their presence on your skin, giving you a chance to level the playing field, so that the mosquito’s friends don’t think you’re an easy target.

No-see-ums…no such chance! They are nothing if not stealthy. They know we are oblivious to their presence. Last week Kim and I, along with our daughter and granddaughter, attended an evening event at the Naples Botanical Garden. October is a big month for these nasty creatures, so we sprayed up with insect repellant. It’s not the perfect solution, but it helps. A few no-see-ums made it through the gauntlet of Deep Woods Off, but the results were not too miserable. On Saturday evening we were pushing our luck when our son, a pilot, flew into the Naples airport. He doesn’t do that too often, so we were excited to get an unexpected visit. Kim and I went to the airport observation deck to watch him land. We had used the last of our repellant at the Garden, but we caught a break with the wind. Nature’s protection from flying insects. The following morning, when we went to see him off, it was a different story. The air was calm, but the no-see-ums were not! They were hungry! For 30 minutes we stood out there waiting to see Ben off, and wave our goodbyes. It was 8:00 in the morning, and in that short time those no-see-ums devoured their version of Thanksgiving dinner!

My legs are a tangle of red welts that make it appear as though I have chicken pox! I itch! They say not to scratch. Seriously! And just how am I suppose to subdue that overwhelming urge? I use cortisone cream during the day, take Benadryl at night, and curse these invisible creatures always! The effects last longer than a mosquito bite, swell larger, itch more, and even hurt. So, before cursing them all into extinction I looked to see what, if any, redeeming value they have. Turns out they are the only natural pollinator of the cocoa plant. Figures! It just might be worth giving up chocolate to rid the world of these nasty vermin, but I’m going to need to think on that.