Month: June 2016

Palmetto bugs are the behemoths of the insect world! I don’t care what nice sounding name you give these creatures, the ugly truth, they are giant cockroaches!!!

I know these things are just about everywhere and I’ve seen more than my fair share in Arizona, but Florida seems to be synonymous with these bugs that have eluded evolution and extinction. Oh, don’t get sappy on me! You can preach all about the importance of every creature to the balance of the environment until one surprises you in your kitchen, and then it’s all about extinction, baby!! Maybe not the entire species, but for sure that particular one.

I’ve lived in Florida now for almost two years. Our pest control is pretty good, so when I found my first dead cockroach on the floor as I swept, I was a little surprised. That evening, after a walk, I entered the kitchen to catch a flash of movement across the calendar! We both froze! I don’t know what Godzilla did, after all, I’m at the top of the food chain, but I screamed like a little girl, followed closely by, “Kim! Get out here now!!!” He chased it down with a paper towel. Are you kidding me?! There isn’t enough paper towel on that entire roll to put between me and that beast! A baseball bat would have been a better weapon of choice! Just recounting the experience leaves my skin crawling and checking for shadows!

The next day I was looking at my cat. She sat in the bedroom doorway,  just casually gazing at me, totally oblivious to the lump laying on the carpet in front of her. I wasn’t though. It was another cockroach! This one alive, but thankfully moving slowly. He was no match for my shoe! I disposed of him and gave my cat a fierce look, making it perfectly clear that she was not hired to catnap all day! She darn well better step it up and earn her keep! Lazy cat!

A week later pest control showed up, as he does several times a year. I told him about the recent invasion. I noticed a hint of smile, as he educated me on the life cycle and sex life of a palmetto bug. Interesting, but I was more interested in his plan to keep them outside. He assured me that though they will come in on occasion when outdoor conditions are not to their liking, such as our recent heavy rains, they must be outdoors to live. That’s for sure, because I have a shoe right where I can get at it, and I’m not afraid to use it!

I was enjoying a wonderful nap on the couch the other day. Through my foggy stupor I heard Patches, my cat, meow. Instinctively I put my hand out to pet her head, reassuring her that I was just sleeping and not dead. Suddenly my eyes shot wide open and without moving a muscle, so as not to startle anyone, I moved my eyes to encompass the loveseat next to me where Cleo was also napping. Cleo is my daughter’s bulldog! I noticed that Cleo’s eyes were as wide as mine, and she was holding perfectly still as well!

I don’t know if Patches suddenly sensed Cleo’s presence, or my eyes told a story that she read quickly as a mixture of fear and foreboding. Patches froze in her tracks and stopped meowing. Her eyes glanced up, for she stood directly beneath Cleo! Whatever happened next would largely depend on me.

There was no way I could out maneuver either one of them, so I opted for the only tool close at hand…my voice. Belying a calm I did not feel I gently said, “Nobody move. Everybody remain calm. Cleo stay.” That last part I repeated several times, as I watched her body tense in response to the crouched stance Patches instinctively took. 

Whatever happened was going to happen in the next few seconds. Cleo held the high ground and to her credit she followed orders and never moved, though I could tell she was fighting every muscle in her body to do it. “Good girl!” Though Patches is fully armed with claws that she is able, willing, and quite experienced in using, she decided the better part of valor was to cautiously retreat to the bedroom and slip under the bed. Again, “Good girl!” I don’t know about those two, but my heart was pounding. So much for my nap!

 

Such a fuss over devices with words like always, never, everyone, and nobody! Kids today are “always” on their phones or their iPads. They “never” go outside to just play. “Everyone” is texting all the time. “Nobody” knows how to have a conversation anymore! Well, not exactly!

I noticed my 18 month old grandson can maneuver his way around the iPad and YouTube better than I can. He scrolls through to what he is looking for with his thumb. Once he finds it, he taps it with his finger. Fascinating! He isn’t random. He knows exactly what he’s looking for, and if something looks interesting, but isn’t, he moves on quickly and fluidly. He’s attracted to the t.v. remote control, and if the phone rings he is positive it is for him. I have received texts from him. I know they’re from him, because even on a bad day the rest of my family can send fairly legible texts. He also called his aunt in Luxembourg once. At least we hope it was only once.

In the course of a day he will flit like a curious butterfly from t.v. to toys, to iPad, to books, to rocking horse, back to iPad, to hide and seek, to swimming, to t.v., to playing on the porch, to going on a hike, to picking up leaves, to having a conversation with you that only he understands, to playing with the pots and pans he drags out of the kitchen cupboards, to rearranging the fridge magnets, and cuddling in your lap. He does everything that we all use to do as kids and more, because he has more to do. Pediatricians warn parents, “Limit their screen time.” Not necessary, kids limit themselves, even though others, mostly older adults, look on with judgments of always, never, everyone, and nobody to describe “only” what they want to see.

These devices are tools of the 21st century. We make observations about how it was back in the day, but we aren’t back in the day. Back in the day we didn’t have seatbelts either, but I would no more drive around without wearing one today, nor would I advise my kids to do so either just because we didn’t have them back in the day! With every text, every email, every question that is asked of Siri we are communicating. And because we do it often during the day, we are communicating a lot. Probably more than back in the day. I know I do.

Today, in the 21st century, jobs are applied for online. Appointment confirmations are sent over texts. Airline boarding passes are accessed by phone. We pay bills online, communicate with employers, friends, and family through email. And when we complain about kids today always being on their devices, we do that on Facebook. Ironic, isn’t it.

The weekend is upon us and I was thinking that it would be a good weekend to go to the beach, or perhaps an easy paddle up the river. Of course now it’s pouring rain, but that’s the weather pattern we’re in now. It’s summer, or close enough to it that we can officially call it the “rainy season”, otherwise known as “hurricane season”, which would make the “rainy season” moniker just a bit understated for the situation, but I digress and getting dangerously close to a run on sentence.

It’s suppose to be 90 degrees, with 68% humidity which means whatever we do it better involve water or air conditioning! But, then I remembered I had a visit with the dermatologist yesterday and she thought it best to take a few scrapings that left me with some minor, yet open wounds that probably shouldn’t be exposed to the “organic” water of the Gulf. Bummer! Nobody to blame but myself, and growing up in an age when sunscreen was as common as seatbelts. Do a little Google search and you can probably figure out how old I am. Now I use both. Good advice that I’m passing on.

In light of recent events in the news….Five Army soldiers killed in the flooding in Texas, with four more missing; Captain Jeff Kuss, Blue Angel pilot killed during practice in Tennessee. He was from my hometown of Durango; and more stories just like these from more places around the country and the world, what I’m doing this weekend is of little consequence. Yet, maybe it’s these tragedies, these losses that make my insignificant weekend all the more significant.

We all live until we don’t. We have no idea how long that will be. Perhaps, in spite of my melancholy spirit, it’s my duty, our duty to savor and revel in the life we are grateful to be living while we are living.