Not Sherry

There are some amazing people in the world! True thinkers not contained by any box. Like the engineers that went to work to bring back the astronauts of Apollo 13. We don’t even know their names. Disney Imagineers, Steve Jobs, Bill Gates, Albert Einstein, Elon Musk, Madame Curie, and people you’ve never heard of but know by their inventions, like Bette Graham (Liquid Paper), Stephanie Kwolek (Kevlar), and Mary Anderson (windshield wipers). There are so many more. These people are simply amazing! You know what they all have in common? None of them attended year round school! What? How can that be possible? What about the “Summer Slide”?

The “Summer Slide” is one of my big pet peeves. The idea of it irritates me and I find it personally insulting. The Summer Slide insinuates that I am as dumb as dirt, as are the people who grew up just like me, enjoying a summer full of nothing but free time!

The summer slide theory is that during summer break kids slide academically, resulting in the need for remedial work when they return in the fall just to get them back to the level where they left off in May. How much slide depends on who is doing the study and their agenda, but generally it’s 2 months. Apparently the kids most at risk for sliding are low-income, because they don’t have access to the organized summer camps that the more affluent have. That slide doesn’t end with a slip in academics. Some fear that summer vacation also results in weight gain, especially for those children that are already fighting the battle of the bulge. Good grief!

I grew up in the 60’s and 70’s. You only went to summer school if you failed to keep up during the school year and that didn’t seem to have anything to do with economic standing. It depended more on how much you messed around during the school year. My summer was filled with reading, swimming, playing ball, watching tv, playing with friends, irritating my sisters, and probably irritating my mother. I slept in, stayed up late, babysat for the neighbors, rode my bike, used my imagination, the list goes on. The most important part…the days were my own to do with as I wished.

We were not well off, though I never felt like we were poor, even when we didn’t have things. I did not go to summer camp, or to fancy day camps. That’s not to say I never had an opportunity for organized activities. I remember a couple of weeks of a parks and recreation arts and crafts class one summer, another summer I attended a week-long church camp, and for two weeks I attended a band camp for kids of all ages and economic background. That was pretty much the extent of organized anything.

What I did have was a mother who took us to the library and let us check out 10 books apiece. Remember that place? It’s a building filled with books that anyone can take and read. It’s amazing and it’s free!!! I had sisters and I had friends. I’m pretty sure that describes most kids and we could find plenty to do that didn’t require money.

During the school year you hear parents complain of too much homework, too many activities, not enough down time for our kids to just be kids and then we turn around and champion year round school! Why? Cheap babysitting? Down time is what it takes to allow the imagination to get out of the box it gets stored in during the school year and stretch its legs! Summer is for discovery, experiments, dreaming without being restrained by the ticking of the clock. We can exercise our brains without the confines of right or wrong answers. Those people I mentioned before…that’s what they did on their summer vacation, so when it really mattered, they could make it count!

Our kids are young for such a short time. How about for just a little while we afford them time to just be little kids. Let them play, let them imagine, let them dream, so one day they will know how to dream big and make amazing things happen.

A friend of mine once told me, “Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst”. Monday, June 1, was the official beginning of hurricane season and though a hurricane hasn’t hit Florida since 2005 it’s not of matter of if, it’s a matter of when. I plan to be prepared. I’m not really a wind person, so when you tell me we are entering the season of the most powerful storm on earth you’ve got my attention!

I’ve experienced Mother Nature during some of her moodiest moments, from haboobs in Arizona, earthquakes in Wyoming and California, to wildfires and blizzards in Colorado. Hurricanes are new to me. I find big weather a bit terrifying! A hurricane can be 600 miles across with sustained winds greater than 157 mph. It will usually last for over a week before dying a natural death. Water is the biggest killer as hurricanes mark their territory with storm surge, high surf, rip currents, and inland flooding. Then there is the destructive winds and if that isn’t enough for you, they spawn tornadoes! 101 tornadoes were formed by Hurricane Francis before she met her demise! Mother Nature does a good job at getting your attention and if you fail to take notice you may be reminded in the harshest ways that you are very small indeed.

When our son was accepted to college in Florida we immediately thought of the vacation opportunities, but we also did the math on the hurricane strike probabilities. We figured that in 4 years he may get hit once. Hmmm. Visions of Disney World, NASA, and Key West danced through my head and overrode our concerns. Besides, I was never really any good at math and our equation could be way off. In fact, before he graduated in 4 years he had encountered three hurricanes…Frances, Jeanne, and Wilma. The first hit within 2 weeks of starting school and the second 3 weeks later. By the time Wilma hit the following year he was a pro and Jim Cantore of the Weather Channel was my new best friend! Our law of probabilities were all off and possibilities morphed into reality. I became proficient at scaling the back of the couch, hurdling the coffee table, and vaulting over the kitchen table to get to the phone as it rang in hopes our son was calling to let us know what was happening and assure us he was safe.

Our daughter, by contrast, made her move to Florida 2 years later, graduated, found a job and has never left the Sunshine State. She has been here 9 years and though she has sat through plenty of tropical storms, she has yet to endure the full power of a hurricane. I’m good with that, but it can’t last.

What was I thinking when I suggested to my husband that we move to Florida?! You’d at least think we would have waited till the state had taken another mathematical hit! Sort of a big storm law of reducing your odds, but no! We charged ahead knowing that Florida is due for another weather reckoning just by the law of averages. So, here we are, one week into hurricane season. All is quiet, but as requested by state officials and common sense I am prepared, physically. Mentally? Well that’s another story. You never know until you face the big bad wolf as he tries to blow your house down.

What’s with those annoying car alarms? They are always sounding off around 5:00 a.m. or during Mass, or practically anytime you really don’t want them too. The reason I know this is my neighbor’s alarm has given us all a wake up call the last three mornings!

To all you habitual car alarm setters, I don’t think they do what you think they do! They’re suppose to scare off any would be car thief, but we’re so conditioned into believing that the alarm is an accident I’d be surprised if a good Samaritan actually hasn’t helped a car thief get the darn thing shut off and on his merry way in your car!

I don’t use mine. I don’t even know how to set it. What I do know is if I did, I would never figure out how to disarm it, and then I will be one of “those” people! Have you noticed that? Is there a special code, or sequence required to turn it off? Everyone seems to fumble with that part. One click for on, 4 pages of instructions on how to get it off!

Who invented this thing that seemed like a good idea, but had unintended consequences? Well, it turns out it was a convict in Denver in 1913. Hmmm….didn’t say what he was in prison for. And how many cars were there in 1913 that stealing them was an issue? Like somebody wouldn’t notice that the only car in the neighborhood was missing and now you’re driving it?! I wasn’t able to find out who decided to make alarms standard in cars today. Probably classified. Who decided it was a good idea to make them so sensitive that if you sneezed while walking by they would start honking and flashing lights as if you had just won a huge jackpot in Vegas, only you didn’t! You did win the stares of passersby judging you for not knowing how to disarm your alarm. “It’s not my car!!!!”

My son and I accidentally discovered a very effective anti-theft device. Of course it only works if you are short, which fortunately I am. Too bad for you. When Ben graduated from college he and I packed up his car with all his college belongings and set off for home, via Washington D.C. I figured I’d be doing most of the driving and he would do the navigating. He’s quite good with maps. So, I put the seat where I needed it to be and then packed, shoved, and squeezed things into the back seat and trunk. What was left over got left behind. When we ran into car trouble in North Carolina we stopped at the service center at Wal-Mart. Have you ever noticed how tall people are in North Carolina? Giant-like really and they insisted that I could not drive that car into their service bay. They had to do it. Not going to happen! Oh, they tried, but I’m 5 ft tall.  There wasn’t a single guy in that shop that was under 6 ft and that seat wasn’t going to budge back for nothing! Nobody could get in it! Rules are rules, so they worked on that car right where I left it. Out in the hot, steamy sun! As long as the thief is taller than you are and you’re using your back seat as a storage unit, you are golden!

My suggestion, get The Club, or get a club. Worked for Teddy Roosevelt. The first option is less confrontational, the second more satisfying. Probably more prudent to go with the first. Hey, this is America. Do what you will, but if your alarm goes off by accident, and it will, I reserve my right to roll my eyes at you.

I asked my son the other day, “Is this it? Is it starting?” His answer, “Yes.”  The beginning of the rainy season! I’ve been noticing for the last several weeks big, fluffy thunderheads building over the Everglades, but each one seemed to get swallowed up over the swamp leaving Naples a bit more muggy in the afternoon, yet still thirsty. Now those clouds are getting pushed a bit further west and the afternoons are punctuated with red exclamation points on the Weather Channel, warning of heavy rain and thunderstorms!

When you grow up in the west, thunderstorms are usually reserved for midsummer monsoons and rain is always welcome, unless you’ve planned a picnic, bike race, outdoor wedding, or something else along those lines. Here in Florida the rain has an entire season named after it. Of course, part of that season it has to share with its big brother….”Hurricane Season”, but since we are still a few weeks away from that I’m just going to focus on the “Rainy Season”.

Florida can get some serious rain! No, I mean it! It falls in curtains! Heavy, shimmery, dark silver curtains, determined to cut off all visibility! No windshield wiper has yet been invented that can keep up with it. I’ve been caught on the road during several of these outbursts of nature vs man. They are terrifying! No less so than driving in a blizzard! Perhaps a bit less slippery. You’re more likely to end up off the road here in the rain because you couldn’t see it and randomly drove off instead of sliding off in the snow, because suddenly your car has just given up on the idea of ever finding any traction. The end result is roughly the same.

Having had these white knuckle, fail to breathe until you’re about to pass out experiences on the highway during Florida’s rainy season before, the beginning of this season brings with it much trepidation for me. When I see those red “heavy rain” warnings I check the clock and determine if I can run my errands and be home before it begins. If not, errands will wait for another day! Us westerners moved east are a tough lot, but we’re not foolish!

Floridians talk about water a lot. Have you ever seen an aerial map of Florida, or even just looked out the window of an airplane on your way to Orlando or Miami? This state doesn’t appear to have any shortage of water. It’s everywhere! Ponds, lakes, rivers, bays, Atlantic, Gulf, canals, and swamps. Everywhere! What’s not on the ground is in the air! So, when they talk about the need to conserve water us western transplants wonder, what are they talking about? What are they doing with all that water? You want to see a lack of water, check the desert southwest!! When they say no water, they mean No Water!!!

The natives here are glad to see the return of the rainy season. The grass is greener, the trees happier, and the air heavier. Folks may not like the mosquitos it brings with it, or the sauna like days, but water is life and we’re all grateful for that. Gazing out the window I notice, here we go again.

I was in Boca last weekend, driving to my daughter’s house after having stopped at the store. The driver in the right lane decided she needed to change to my lane. No big deal, but what was a big deal was she seemed uncertain about her decision. She was driving slowly and getting slower all the time. Why was this a big deal to me, besides being a road hazard?!  I had no time for slow-moving vehicles! I had ice cream! Shouldn’t there be a fast lane for ice cream? Perhaps an ice cream flashing light that you put on the roof. There is a finite amount of time you have between store and home before ice cream reverts back to milk and sugar. You’ve got to go! Get out-of-the-way!!!

Since this woman seemed to be unsure of her next move and I had melting ice cream in a warm car, I changed lanes. Just as I was coming up on her right flank she began her drift in front of me again. I honked the horn. I didn’t lay on it. That would have been overkill, but I didn’t need to add crumpled left fender to melted ice cream. She swerved back to where she came from and then stopped!

Stopped! You can’t stop in the left lane, or even the right lane for that matter! Cars were coming up on her and I can assure you it was going to be an unpleasant surprise for them to realize she wasn’t moving!!! From my rearview mirror I could see everyone was now dodging right. Once they passed and all was clear, she made her right hand turn from the left lane! What?! You can’t do that! I don’t care how much you want to do that, you can’t! They don’t even do that in Ontario and believe me, I’m pretty sure there is some creative driving going on in Ontario.

There are rules people! Whether you got your license yesterday or 50 years ago, the rules are the same and they apply to everyone! Creativity and individualism in driving style is not encouraged! It’s not even accepted! If you are unsure of the rules, refresh your memory with the driver’s manual. You are not allowed to make up new rules. We have people for that. And when folks have ice cream, yield the right of way!!! I’d do the same for you.

As Americans we have a sense of personal space. It’s a big country after all, so what’s the deal in the grocery store!? That person in line behind you that keeps creeping into your personal space while you’re trying to load your grocery bags in your cart and pay your bill. There they are, bumping into you with their cart, or standing right by your side as you try to write your check! Yes, I’m a dinosaur…writing a check, not swiping my debit card.

That’s not the only place it happens. Traffic lights! South Florida has it’s share of traffic, but it’s not the only place I have witnessed this. Pretty much any large city, but rural towns have their own version. In rural town it’s the guy behind you at a traffic light who is just an inch, maybe two away from tapping your bumper. He’s revving his engine. Instead of looking at the light you’re checking your rear view mirror, so you don’t notice that the light has turned green. He uses that exact moment to honk his horn. “Lady, let’s go!” In the city it’s a little more dumbfounding. The horn honking begins before the light turns green. That’s what I said, the light is still red! This happened while I was riding with my daughter one evening. What?! The light is red! Stopping is not a suggestion! This is not Rome! As soon as it turned green the driver zoomed around us, as if we were the most idiotic drivers she had ever encountered, cut back in front of us and came to an abrupt halt at the next red light. Now the shoe was on the other foot. What to do? What to do? I know what I wanted to do!  We didn’t, which left me unsatisfied, but the cool head of logic isn’t always satisfying.

Don’t you wonder what’s going through their head? I would love to see one of those cartoon bubbles above their head with their thoughts so I could maybe get it. Life may be funny, but it’s not a cartoon. I’m left baffled. For now I have managed not to shout out a snarky remark to the person bumping me with their cart, or standing behind me while I write my check. I don’t sit idle for an extra couple of seconds when the light turns green just to make a point, but “Warning!”, at any moment I may go Incredible Hulk all over them! They have it coming!

Dudes and Dudettes!!!  Back up and take a chill pill! It’s arrogant to believe the world revolves around you. You are not the center of the universe, and as hard as it is to believe, you are not the most important person in it. I know that sounds overblown, but I was actually stepped on once by a man behind me in line. I know I’m short, but I’m far from invisible.

Get outside yourself. Smile at others. Take a breath. We’ll all get there.

It was a beautiful day at the beach. We hadn’t been there for a while, but the snowbirds are beginning to fly away home for the summer, so there’s a little more breathing room. The Gulf waters are also beginning to warm and it strikes me funny how quickly this can happen. It’s a huge body of water. One day it feels like a therapeutic ice bath and a couple of weeks later it is cool enough to feel refreshing, but warm enough to stay in and bob around. I don’t know how it happens so fast. I’m just glad it does.

The water has that beautiful turquoise blue/green to it and though not completely clear today, it’s not bad. Clear enough for us to see a large dark shadow that is definitely moving beneath the surface near shore, which eliminates the possibility of perhaps an isolated deep water trough, but opens the possibility of a cloud shadow. Looking up reveals a cobalt blue sky. That wouldn’t be it then. Best case it’s a large school of fish. Worst case….well you know what the worst case is! We stare, barely blinking. Nose and head break the surface and guess who? It’s a manatee! What a marvelous surprise! A relieved one too, I suspect, for the couple drifting around on the pool float when Mr. Manatee made himself known.

My husband spent some time beachcombing with a metal detector. I have two bionic knees, so when he goes for a while without hearing even a blip on the squawk box he lifts the detector to my knees, just to make sure it’s still working. Glad to be of assistance. Years ago our son lived near the Treasure Coast. We spent some time on the beach, him detecting, me scooping. Don’t know how that arrangement came about. Found a lot of flip tops, which led him to question whether anybody throws anything away anymore. No Spanish gold though. On this particular day our treasures amount to .75 in quarters! The disappointing realities of the debit card age, but it’s still fun to hope and dream. You never know.

We grab hotdogs and share a Coke at a picnic table underneath a sea grape tree. Cumulus clouds are beginning to build and turn dark over the Everglades. A few billow far on the horizon over the Gulf. I think how lucky I am, for it is truly a beautiful day.

Sometimes life reminds me of a baseball game. There are all sorts of pitches and sometimes we feel like we get more than our fair share of curveballs and sinkers. The balls come at you hard and fast. At times you want to duck, call for a pinch hitter, take a time out! Unlike baseball, in life you are always at bat. Keep your eye on the ball and swing hard!

I don’t care what stage you are at in your life, whether you are young, just starting out, or old and looking to retire you make plans. You have a vision of how things are to be and how you’re going to make that all happen when suddenly life throws you a fastball you weren’t expecting. You swing and get a piece of it. Not a total loss, but you are far from out of the park. You’re lucky it doesn’t foul into the stands, but you don’t strike out. You never strike out. You’re always at bat!

You may go weeks, sometimes months and feel like a power hitter every time you’re up to bat. Everything is going great. Life is good. Can’t wait to get up in the morning and don’t want to go to bed at night. Then all of a sudden the ball isn’t spinning your way. You get pitched a curveball and another and you are suddenly in a batting slump. Nothing is going as planned, you worry, you worry about worrying and you wonder if you are ever going to rise out of this one, but you do. You may not be hitting them over the fence, but eventually you start hitting again. A single, a few doubles, maybe even a triple once in a while. Not all good, but better.

Once in a while life pitches us one impossible ball after another…..fast, curve, knuckle, sinker….there is no time to act, only react. You just want to catch a break. You feel like everything is going wrong. Things are definitely not as they are supposed to be, or as planned. Not as you imagined, and certainly not fun. Life is no longer a game of baseball, but beginning to resemble The Hunger Games. Sometimes it appears as though we are looking for trouble. These things that carry so much weight in our lives are different for each of us.  Death usually tops the list of the heaviest, followed by serious illness or injury. Different things run the bases, jobs, money, marital stress, the challenges of raising kids, aging parents, on and on. The list is infinite and we call it life, because that is what it is.

What do you do? You suit up! You pick up your bat, square up to the plate, because today is the day! Today is your day! Swing for the fence!

I grew up in the desert southwest, so when my husband and I moved to south Florida my family pretty much freaked out about the local fauna, particularly those that seem intent on putting me on the menu. There’s the obvious ones like alligators and sharks. Then there are the snakes! These don’t really want to dine on me, but there is this one guy who has potential.

If I say Florida you may think Disney World, NASA, Key West, and the Everglades. You might also think humidity and hurricanes. A story for another time. News flash! Florida means alligators. They are exciting, fascinating, yet dangerous creatures, and oh so very cool! Watching them is like gazing through a looking-glass into a world long past. Hard to believe they were once endangered. Victims of fear and over hunting. But, they are survivors and have made such a remarkable comeback that they have been removed from the list. My son has a saying, “If there is water, there are gators”. A mantra I’ve adopted myself. It’s quite a treat to see alligators in the wild, but wise to stay alert for Captain Hook’s nemesis. Oh wait! That’s a crocodile. We have those too, but don’t tell my family. Much urban legend surrounds the alligator. I’m told they can run very fast. They can’t, but they can make a good show of it for about 50 feet. I’ve also heard you should run away in a zigzag pattern, because gators can not. In fact, you should just run away. A straight line will carry you farther faster. That’s the goal. Choose that one! Here are some truths. They can jump! What?!  It’s both amazing and horrifying! They are powerful swimmers and in the water they are most intimidating. Alligators only hunt in the water. Good to know! Humans are not on their menu, but things happen. So, stay alert, give him space, and point out the tasty turtle to his left.

Snakes are not so cool. I know some people love them, but I’m not one. I’m not sure why my desert family worries so much about snakes. They have snakes of their own. Florida is home to six kinds of venomous snakes, but only four of them live in south Florida. The one I think has my family freaked out is not venomous. It is also not native. The Burmese Python. It’s thought that Hurricane Andrew destroyed a breeding facility, which may have been how some of them ended up in the Everglades. Others were pets dumped there when they became too big to handle. You know what I think? A snake is not a pet my friend! These pythons are among the world’s largest snakes. They can grow to 18 feet! They have big teeth and squeeze their prey to death. When you see one of these behemoths tussle with an alligator, well that is nightmare fodder and I want no part of it! By nature Burmese pythons are afraid of humans. That makes us even. We’ve all heard the news stories of things having gone very, very bad. Florida is trying to eradicate these pythons. Until they do there is no reason to be irrational about them, but they are way up there on the ick factor!

Finally sharks! Sharks can be found in waters around the world. This is an apex predator with some serious swagger! It is natural to be afraid. Anybody who says they aren’t is lying! For those truly afraid, the pool is a safer bet. No shame there. We like to think these big boys patrol the deep waters, somewhere well beyond where we are swimming. Though that isn’t always true, the statistics on shark attacks are in our favor. My daughter and I spied a dorsal fin in the shallow water off the beach where we had just been swimming. Curious and alert she asked, “Dolphin or shark?” That’s the million dollar question, now isn’t it! I wanted to say dolphin, but the sideways movement of the tail gave away his true identity. What to do? Nothing. By the time swimmers could be alerted to his presence he would be long up the coast before they could move out of his way. Fortunately he was just sightseeing. If you can believe what they “say” on Shark Week and not what they “show” us, we know that we are not meant to be on the buffet. There is no reason to cancel your Florida vacation or to stay out of the water, but the following fact needs some perspective. Turns out Florida is the shark bite capital of the United States. The state has a vast coastline, second only to Alaska, plus the sheer number of people in the water here makes this a statistical long shot. The Bull Shark! We’re going to blame him.  He isn’t a finicky eater, has some questionable eyesight in the turbid water stirred up by swimmers, and is just plain bad mannered. He might mistakenly rip your leg off thinking you are some sort of mutant tuna. “My bad!” Accident or not, I’m going to need that back! Good thing I don’t work for the Chamber of Commerce and I no longer watch Shark Week!

My family might have some legitimate concerns, though unlikely ones. We’re always afraid of the things we don’t really understand and seriously dislike being on the food chain, accidental or otherwise. My new neighbors and I have an understanding. I don’t eat them and they don’t eat me. So far it’s working well.

My husband and I recently moved to Florida, so our kids like to refer to us as snowbirds. They can’t call us that! I have the “Sunshine State” license plate and driver’s license to prove it.

I thought we knew all about snowbirds. Afterall, we’ve been visiting our kids in Florida for years and we grew up in Arizona, so we’re not amateurs when it comes to people trying to escape the frigid north country, but we were wrong.

Florida is in the heart of the snowbird flyway. We began seeing a few in the fall around the holidays, but after the first of the year is when the flock really begins to arrive. They call it “The Season” around here. Suddenly it was rush hour all day! At first we thought there was an event we failed to hear about, perhaps an accident, or the dreaded blight of America, road construction! But what we thought was unusual turned into a daily routine and then like a light bulb it struck us…Snowbirds!

The next shock and awe came at church. Normally you expect standing room only during the two big Christian holidays, Christmas & Easter, but Saturday evening Mass was suddenly packed! Saturday afternoon Mass was packed! Ash Wednesday was standing room only! Ash Wednesday! Seriously! But, the final invasion has proven to be a little too much. The beach!

We attempted to go to the beach at 10:00 in the morning. It was a beautiful day. We hadn’t been to the beach in weeks. Really looking forward to it, but it was not to be. Every parking spot taken! Overflow parking full! Street parking non-existent! We retreated to the pool and planned a strategy for the next day. We would be smarter & arrive earlier.

Prior to 9:15 seems to be the sweet spot. There were people already enjoying the sugar sand, calm waters, and blue sky when we arrived, but there was plenty of parking. By the time we left at 11:30 things were getting dicey in the parking lot. People trying to jockey for position to claim a spot that might become vacated. It looked like vultures circling. An argument taking place in the park between family members. One reprimanding the other for not being there earlier, “I told you we had to be here early if you wanted to park! Don’t pretend I didn’t!”

As we readied to leave a woman wanted to hold our place for her friend. Another woman saw us leaving and waited for us to pull out. In our mirror we could see a battle dance taking place between the woman standing in our vacated space and the woman attempted to drive into it. I was morbidly interested in learning the outcome, but at the same time wanting to wash my hands of any involvement. A woman in her 50’s standing off against a woman in her 70’s. You knew it was going to get ugly!

Snowbirds are as much a part of life in Florida as alligators and humidity. Ontario, Michigan, Ohio and New York make a strong showing. We’ve even seen Montana and California, though I think that last one might have been an anomaly. After this past winter we’re placing bets that Massachusetts will be the number one snowbird to winter over next year.  You just have to accept and adjust. You leave a little earlier to get to where you’re going. Sitting in church a little longer didn’t hurt anyone. Getting to the beach early in the morning keeps you from burning so badly and frees up the rest of the day for other chores…like dodging snowbirds in the grocery store.